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The central message of Buddhism is not 'Every man for himself.' And the London Underground is not a political movement. I looked 'em up." A Fish Called Wanda (1988)"Jane, since I've met you, I've noticed things that I never knew were there before...

It's like that time we were at her parents' wedding anniversary and I told that joke: 'What's the definition of vagina? I was stuck with a case where Zuzu Petals and Art Mooney were battling out for the 'Lamest Clue of My Career' award." The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990) - "I couldn't believe it was her.

Auton, who recently quit his job selling paintbrushes in London's Soho to perform full-time, said: "I am honoured to receive this award and just pleased that a joke that tackles the serious issue of the invention of a new chocolate bar can be laughed at by the people of Britain." TOP 10 FUNNIEST JOKES FROM THE FRINGE FESTIVAL 2013: • 1. Marcus Brigstocke - "You know you are fat when you hug a child and it gets lost." • 8. That makes it very difficult to enjoy any lapdance." • 10.

Rob Auton - "I heard a rumour that Cadbury is bringing out an oriental chocolate bar. Alex Horne - "I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. Chris Coltrane - "The good thing about lending someone your time machine is that you basically get it back immediately." The judges sat through hours of material before nominating their favourite three gags for the shortlist.

Tim Vine - "My friend told me he was going to a fancy dress party as an Italian island. Gary Delaney - "I can give you the cause of anaphylactic shock in a nutshell." • 6. He never dies, just keeps being replaced by white men." • 7. Bobby Mair - "I was adopted at birth and have never met my mum.

" - "All right, shut up a second and I'll tell you! I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you f--ked! There are a lot of guys competing for not very many women (bots don't count), so if you're a guy, you're going to want to say something suave and creative right off the bat to get her attention. If you don't have one, there are a few unorthodox suggestions on this list that you might want to give a try. We can't guarantee that you'll get dates thanks to these lines, but we can't rule it out, either. Even though they sound a bit out-there, they actually worked! Basically, it's a hookup site; not that there's anything wrong with that, so first impressions mean everything.A great picture might get you a second look (or a swipe right, in this case), but it's the chat sessions where the magic really happens. So there you have it; twenty funny pick up lines you can put to use on Tinder today.




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